when you were in school, what was your opinion of special education students?
mine was not good. i was never mean to them, but i certainly didn't go out of my way to be nice to them either. they were losers. druggies. future prison inmates. yep, i was already a christian...i just hadn't understood the lesson of grace yet.
when i was offered my current job, i thought, "nope ~ can't do it." and if i wanted to be really honest, i would probably admit that in the back of my mind i was thinking, "they're losers, druggies, future prison inmates."
but i took the job. and i LOVE it.
had it not been for my God, my church, and certain life experiences, i would probably still be clinging to the easy labels that i tend to put on people. in this case, it was the label i was putting on these kids before i ever really knew them.
steve was talking this morning about compassion. oh my gosh. he really ended with a bang. i wanted to "amen" him so badly i could hardly stand it. Jesus gave the bread to his disciples and said " YOU feed them."
i have been called to feed my kids. yes, they are my kids. and i am extremely protective of them. God has asked me to love the "unlovable". and i do. it's only because He first loved me that i am able to love them.
i have been able to build honest relationships with my kids. they know that i love them and that there is no judgement. consequently, they tell me things that only reinforce steve's message of compassion.
recently, i asked them to write in their journals what they would change about their families, if they could. they were brutally honest. their responses included desires for their moms and dads to:
- get out of jail
- stop doing coke
- stop drinking
- stop fighting
- stop going out on each other
- go to church
- have money to pay bills
one of my boys said, "sorry mrs. gillen. i just want the bullshit to stop in my house". he was just being honest.
so, as far as the lesson in compassion goes...
i'm doing okay with it at work. i don't slap the labels on my kids. but let me be honest, the tendency is still there to put other people in a box. shame on me.
my prayer for today is that God will increase my compassion for others, the same way that He has allowed me to love my students. i am so incredibly grateful to Him for my job, but in other areas of my life...
i am still a work in progress.
2 comments:
I use to have a study hall when I was in High School that was located in one of my mentoring teachers classes. Mr Griffith, was a great teacher for me even though I never had him for a class. He taught Special Education. He had the persona of being a very demanding teacher to us students. So on the first day of school as a Junior and Senior, Mr. Griffith came into the Study Hall class and pointed at me and yelled, "Ford, Why are you not in my class?" I gave the study hall teacher a bewildered look, and said, "I have no..." Then, he yelled, " You have 3 seconds to return there before I make this situation difficult for you." Again, a bewildered look towards Mrs. Higgins. "Mrs. Higgin's, you can expect Mr. Ford to not be present in the study hall the rest of the school year. I would like to know if he ever shows up again trying to hide from me!" Once in the hallway, Mr. Grifffith smiled and said, " You did not really want to be in that class did you?" " I need your help!" We walked into his classroom where about 20 kids that I would have placed the exact same label on as you described in your post. He said, these kids need your help, your example, your guidence, your friendship. I never was able to do homework in that study hall, I was never able to relax, I was never able just be a student in that study hall. Mr. Griffith taught me such a valuable lesson those two years. I learned that these kids are special not just because of their lack of potential for learning, no because of their bad home lives, behavioral issues or poor life choices. I learned they were special because deep inside they were beautiful kids. The only way I would have ever found that beauty was because I had a teacher who offered me a chance to get close to them, to befriend them, to teach them, to be taught by them, to experience for 48 minutes a day a small part of their lives. Once you are patient enough to get passed all of the troubles, you honestly see who they really are inside. I remember helping them study for spelling tests, math tests, drug tests ;), talking about bad breakups, fights at the bowling alley on Saturday nights, trying to break bad habits, anger issues, pregnancies, fathers that beat them, running away and so many more events that I can't even imagine. I remember how they looked up to me. They would give me high 5's in the hallway between classes, they would eat lunch beside me, and they would cheer me on at soccer games. The funy thing was, I always looked up to them. How they attempted to handle their life struggles, without parents, without popularity and without alot of hope. I never really thought about all of these lessons I learned until I read your post. Mr. Griffith taught me alot, I guess he probably saw something in me that might help these kids and he saw something in those special kids that might help me grow to be the man I am today. In all honesty, that might have been the beginning of my Youth ministry training...
marty,
i SO appreciate you sharing this story with me. what struck me the most about your entry was when you said, "The funy thing was, I always looked up to them. How they attempted to handle their life struggles, without parents, without popularity and without alot of hope." Exactly. The fact that they're still standing at the end of the day is reason enough to celebrate.
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