"home is not where you live, but where they understand you." - christian morganstern

i love these people.

they are indeed my home away from home.

too much fun

8th grade dance last night. 

rockin' music + beautiful kids + wonderful friends = a ridiculously fantastic time

they make every day happy!

my kids threw me a surprise birthday party on april 1.  you can see why i'm the luckiest girl in the world.

me and my shadow

meet the wonderfully adorable molly.  not technically one of "my kids", i claim her anyways.  she is sweet and hard-working and has the most sincere desire to do the right thing.  i hope kate and ian grow up to be just like her. 

molly stands just under five feet tall ~ she laughs all the time about her feet not touching the floor when she sits in the student desks.  (honestly, they dangle!) when i first saw molly's elmo and cookie monster shirts, i asked her if she would mind if i bought matching ones.  she was totally up for it.  so now, we periodically sync our wardrobes and are twins for the day. 

molly typifies why i love my job.  there are soooo many terrific kids out there flying under the radar!  they are indeed a daily blessing.

"i wanna love people"

i just wrapped up a six-week unit in my reading class on the civil rights movement.  my students analyzed primary sources and informational texts, and then completed an in-depth analysis of martin luther king, jr.'s "i have a dream" speech. my dear coworker, suzanne, and i have been amazed at the children's responses to our discussions on discrimination and brutality, segregation and justice, nonviolence and perseverence.  we kept having those teaching moments where we looked at each other, our eyes wide, thinking, "oh my gosh. they get it.  they MORE than get it."

i concluded our unit with this video (which many of you probably saw last year when the event occurred).  in it, john lewis, now a congressman from georgia and a former leader of the sncc, has an emotional reunion with elwin wilson, a former kkk member. the discussion it gave birth to in our classroom was beautiful.  i hope you find the video beautiful as well.

"did they turn the oxygen off in here?"

actual question posed by a student to my dear co-workers (suzanne and melinda) during a reading class last thursday. apparently, he was feeling a bit drowsy...

santa baby

me on the left, juj on the right.  at my school's fundraiser this evening.  (our santa totally rocked!)

one of my children. . .

 ...helping my child.  a thing of beauty.

*sigh*

"teaching is the greatest act of optimism." - colleen wilcox

i just received ohio achievement test scores for my kids today. (not kate and ian. i'm referring to the 15 LD and CD sweeties on my case load for the past year.)

wow. and i mean, wow. i am so proud of them.

math scores are incredibly important to our district and districts all over ohio. in the waverly city school district, students with disabilities are referred to as a subgroup, and our district's rating by the state is determined in part by how well this particular subgroup performs on the OAT.

long story short...13 of my 15 students passed the 8th grade math OAT. that's an 87%passage rate for my kids with disabilities.

oh yeah, baby!

after testing, i told anyone who would listen how hard my kids worked on the OAT. they are granted extended time -up to 6 hours- to complete a test that the rest of the students take in 2 and a half hours.) on the first two days of testing, my beautiful children worked from 8:30 in the morning until almost 2:00. we took breaks. we ate snacks. we walked and stretched and then refocused. i gave them pep talks and hugs and constant praise. they could have given up. they could have said they were just too tired and thrown any old answer down. but they didn't.

on that last day of testing, i loved them for what they had done. they had persevered.

and while some of our other test scores may not show it, their math scores offer tangible proof to what i already knew:

given the opportunity and the encouragement to be confident, these children can and do succeed. do they need a little nudge? sure. do they get grumpy and exasperated? absolutely. does their teacher get grumpy and exasperated? oh my...yes.

bottom line, i love those darn kids. and i love my job.

thanks God.

a ridiculously good time

actual dialogue between the photographer hired for the 8th grade dance and my dear friend/co-worker suzanne and i:

"we don't get out much." (us)

"yes, i can tell." (astonished photographer)

suzanne and i were chaperones at the 8th grade promotion dance last night, but truth be told, we probably had more fun than the kids. this was our big night out...no children, no husbands to worry about entertaining. just us, dressed like cowgirls in our boots and bandanas and badges, hopping on saddles for photo ops, and laughing hysterically with the students. we led them in then electric slide...we "jumped on it"...and, when to our surprise the d.j. played run d.m.c.'s "it's tricky", we even came up with some gangsta' moves that resulted in 40 kids or so joining us on the stage steps for an impromptu performance.

by night's end, suzanne and i couldn't decide if our behavior was the result of leading incredibly predictable and boring lives, or if we simply love our jobs and these kids so much that we went a little crazy. it was probably the result of both. either way, hanging with these kids (who said we "totally rocked") was an ideal way to spend two carefree hours indulging in unadulterated frivolity.

quoting "you've got mail"...

...because i'm feeling incredibly small and insignificant and almost defeated in my work.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

happy thanksgiving, memories of grandma, and other ramblings

i haven't blogged anything of substance in a long time, mainly because i've really been wondering about the potentially narcissistic bent of my posts. but hey, it's the holiday season, and i've received emails from some of you wondering what the heck is going on in my world...so here you go.

monday night, kate and i went to the ohio theater to see my cousin jonathan and the OU marching 110 perform. talk about amazing ~ wow! first of all, i am so incredibly proud of jonathan for the fabulous young man he has become. he is so loving and affectionate and grounded. and the music...honestly, i don't know how the people around us remained in their seats. (julie and i had to get up and dance at one point). the 110 are cool in a way that the OSU band is not. they are unpretentious and look like they're having the time of their lives. if you ever have the opportunity to see them perform, do it. (for a clip of jonathan and the drumline on youtube, see the post below.)

i won't say how, lest my mother reads this post, but i recently "stumbled" upon a box of photos that belonged to my beloved grandmother. i'm not quiet sure, but this just may be the view from heaven:

this picture was taken from my grandmother's back porch. the shade of the apple tree unseen to the left) is casting a shadow across the back yard. my grandfather usually planted his garden on the left side of the walk only; the other side of the yard was reserved for serious badminton playing.

at work this week, we were talking about thanksgiving traditions. a tradition that julie and i had for many years was setting grandma's thanksgiving table. even during our college years, we would go to her house the night before thanksgiving, get out the china and flatware and beautiful pink goblets, and set the table. then, we would hang out in the kitchen, drink coffee, and listen to her talk about the menu for the following day, which never changed, and was always scribbled down on the back of an envelope (or so it seemed). i'm not sure when the photo below was taken, but this table was definitely set for thanksgiving, and it was done with love by two devoted granddaughters.

i've been thinking alot about everything i have to be thankful for this holiday, and perhaps it all sounds so trite: i have a beautiful family with two healthy and happy children, and i am blessed with a job i truly adore. but maybe, what i'm most thankful for this year is that i have a memory that is sharp and clear and filled with cherished remembrances of a relationship that provided for me the most well-defined meaning of unconditional love that i have ever known. i mean seriously, who couldn't love this...


i was definitely a girl built for relationship. but i must admit, i have done a very sloppy job of cultivating and making time for my friends this year. i am blessed to know beautiful, warm, loving, and funny women who i adore spending time with, but it seems that i allow work, and the overall "busy-ness" of life to get in my way. i need to improve on this. and for those of you still hanging in there and counting me as "friend", thanks. i owe you.

as i just stated, work has been rather overwhelming for me this year. i am team-teaching another class and not taking any planning periods throughout the week. if i take a planning period, i'm letting someone down. i can't be everywhere at once, and most of my co-workers understand this. my principal has been wonderful about me insisting that i take a break when i need one, but it almost seems easier during the day to not stop, to not lose momentum. i must admit, i'm feeling a little more "fried" than usual. but i love my kids. yes, they are a challenge, and i could tell you stories about the most horrific child abuse and neglect and parents in prison and lice infestation and drug use that would bring you to tears. but man, i love those kids.

kate is growing. a lot. the girl is a TREE. she's grown almost two full inches in the past five and a half months. she's also becoming more beautiful. that red hair of hers, though, is no lie. what spunk. i wonder where she gets that from? (see picture above). ian is, quite simply, a stud (yes, he's only 8). kind-hearted, a total cutie, and a fantastic athlete, he is the apple of my eye. i hope to post some up-to-date photos of them soon.

i'm going to close this post with a little silly and a little serious. first of all, as a final thanksgiving wish, i am going to leave you with this clip from the funniest thanksgiving sitcom episode ever: wkrp in cincinnati's "turkeys away", in which the station inadvertantly killed turkeys by dropping them from a helicopter. to quote mr. carlson: "as god as my witness, i thought turkeys could fly."

WKRP in Cincinnati: Thanksgiving Turkey Bomb! @ Yahoo! Video

and lastly, julie used this quote from her message last sunday at church, and it has really hit home with me. i'm seriously thinking about mounting it above my computer at work as a daily reminder of my own need for more humility:

"Is life so wretched? Isn't it rather your hands which are too small, your vision which is muddled? You are the one who must grow up." - Dag Hammarskjold

my thanksgiving prayer is that God will increase the size of my heart and hands, and give me the vision to see others for who they really are. i do, indeed, need to grow up.

love letters

i found these on my board friday morning...

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his hand

this hand belongs to a young man whose father is currently serving a life sentence for manslaughter.

this hand belongs to a young man who overdosed on darvocet a few weeks ago before coming into my class.

this hand belongs to a young man who "tattoos" himself with an ink pen daily, writing "thug" or "bad ass" or "motherfucker" on his arms.

this hand belongs to a young man who, when told that i was going to our school's art show to take pictures of his work, responded, "would you really do that?"

yes, i would do that.

while walking him down the hall the other day, i reminded him of how much i love him, and how i would miss him this summer. as i patted him on the back, shooed him into his next class, and turned to make my way back to my room, i breathed out loud:

"i don't know how to save him."

someone, i won't say who, responded to me in very serious tones,

"that's not your job."

this hand belongs to a young man who i am almost certain will wind up in prison, or worse yet, die, within the next five years.

and here i helplessly stand, watching him self-destruct, and there's not a damn thing i can do to stop it.

but then again, that's not my job...

*represent

(*click here for the definition of represent, 'cause you needs to know what that shizzle means)

teaching is a give-and-take occupation. hopefully, i give more than i take. and more importantly, i hope that what i give holds some life-long value for my students.

sometimes, however, what i take from my kids is just plain silliness. for example, i've learned that i need to keep my "pimp hand strong", which according to the urban dictionary means that i "keep control of my ho's" or "maintain control of my pimpin' business." uh....yeah.

last year, as you may remember, i learned how to pimpify my name. click here for a refresher.

four years ago, my students philip and aaron shared "schfifty five" with me. pure stupidity. but my goodness, it's wonderful for a ridiculous, brainless laugh every now and then.

so anyways, last week during dismissal, my kids asked if i had seen any of the "scary movie" or "saw" franchises:

"uhm, no. absolutely not. are you kidding?"

"oh my gosh, mrs. gillen, you don't know what you're missing!"

then they promptly showed me this clip on youtube, and i proceeded to laugh my head off. it's a parody of tom cruise flipping out on oprah a few years ago, and of course it's utterly absurd, but that's the point.

watch it all the way through, and let me know if you at least chuckle a little bit. and if it makes you giggle, i'll pass on your thanks to my kids...cause if you're like me, you appreciate a good laugh whenever you can get one.

party time ~ excellent

my wonderfully loving niece, taylor, organized a birthday party for me today at school and invited some of my favorite 8th grade chicks! we had a great time! these girls exemplify just a few of the reasons why i love my job so much. yes, junior high kids are wired and hormonal...but we also have some amazing parents out there raising equally amazing, grounded, and responsible children with terrific senses of humor and compassion for the world around them.

here they are, in all their glory...

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not in the job description

junior high is tough. bodies are changing, hormones are raging. peer groups are solidifying.

today, one of my kids smelled so badly...it was shocking. but here's the rub...he has water, and toiletries, and deodorant. his twin sister is also in my class. she's always clean. but jake (not his real name) is literally too lazy to take a bath. his sister lisa (not her real name) has also told me that he is too lazy to go to the bathroom at home ~ no kidding, jake will urinate in the corner of his room, in a pop bottle, whatever, to keep from walking down the hall to relieve himself. lisa is pretty sure that the urine gets on his clothes, which are lying on the floor. the clothes, by the way, rarely get washed because he is too lazy to take care of that. and don't ask me why mom isn't all over this. i can't answer that question.

tuesday, jake's body odor was horrible. i had to open my classroom windows at the end of the day and spray febreze air neutralizer to combat the smell.

yesterday, jake and lisa were absent.

today, jake shows up in the same clothes he wore on tuesday...only now they are twice as pungent as they were two days ago. first thing this morning, he asked to speak to me about some trouble he was in, and i literally had to back away from him.

i spoke with my principal...and long story short, one of my male co-workers rounded up some clothes from the home ec. room, and explained to jake that he had to take a shower (we have facilities). i took his clothes and ran them through the school washing machine twice, before drying them with two downy sheets.

the hardest part of the day was talking with him about staying clean. i grabbed a male co-worker from across the hall and asked him to listen as i talked to jake about the effects of not being clean...people don't like to sit close to others who smell (i put it nicely), people who don't take care of themselves open themselves up to ridicule, people who have body odor have difficulty making and keeping friends, etc.

i put my arm around him and told him that i loved him, and that's why i knew i should be honest with him....that i wanted him to be the best he could be...that i would never want people to miss out on getting to know the real jake...that good habits will benefit him for the rest of his life. it was such a "girlie" talk, now that i look back on it. my co-worker jon simply said, "it (not bathing) is just not healthy". that's true. duh! i hadn't even thought of that!

so now i'm wondering if jake will stay clean. i'm wondering if his mother is going to come in and rip my hind end for trying to help her son.

teaching is not about teaching anymore. it's about taking care of kids who need it. it's about feeding them and clothing them...counseling them through emotional problems and fits of criminal behavior...listening to their struggles...and proving to them that there is at least one person in this world who cares about what happens to them.

it's exhausting. it's worth it. but man, i'm so tired...

bullseye on my back

i've had the worst week.

rather yukky events from the past month culminated wednesday with me finally throwing my hands in the air and giving up. wait...maybe "giving up" isn't accurate. perhaps i am finally choosing to accept the fact that i absolutely can NOT control everything going on around me.

while i have, in the past, chosen to not reveal everything in my posts for fear of what others may think...now i've decided, what the heck? so here's the deal...

about a month ago, two separate co-workers approached me (thankfully) with a story that was floating around. rumor was, i had an "intensely angry" meeting with my superintendent, mrs. francis, in her office. supposedly, i was complaining that my niece, taylor, was not allowed to be on quiz bowl because her basketball coaches wouldn't allow it.

this is a completely made-up story. i spoke with mrs. francis this week about this rumor, which we both jokingly acknowledged as utter rubbish. in fact, i had not conversed with mrs. francis since last summer. we have no idea how this got started...but my name is out there floating around as being a royal witch to my boss. there are a few other facets to this rumor which i also discussed with mrs. f. and were cleared up instantly.

i'm grateful that my co-workers were honest enough to tell me what was happening. but still, i had to make sure that the basketball coaches, as well as my principal, understood that the story was purely fictional.

this week, mrs. f. came to ask me about another rumor floating around about me (specifically my name had been mentioned) complaining about a decision that she had made last week (regarding a school delay). again...not true.

now to be honest, i hear a lot of complaining from all kinds of people about all kinds of things. complaints from parents and co-workers (in the junior high as well as in the other three buildings) alike. and while i hear alot, i rarely repeat. in fact, the circle of people that i trust has recently become much smaller.

so anyways, my superintendent sweetly and graciously listens as i tell her that i have not been spreading rumors about her, nor was i upset by her decision last week. and while she was receptive to what i had to say, i realized that in many ways it doesn't matter because...

for whatever reason, my name is getting tied to alot of "crap" within my district. i honestly don't know why. now, i am far from perfect, and i've made a lot of MAJOR mistakes in my life. i readily admit to that. i take ownership of that. but doggone it, don't accuse me of stuff i HAVEN'T done.

i feel like, through no fault of my own, my name is tarnished right now. and there's not a darn thing i can do about it...barring asking mrs. francis to issue a memo clearing me of all wrong doing. i can't help but think that my principal is beginning to wonder just what kind of a trouble-maker i am. and this kills me.

any of you who truly know me understand that i am an incredible control freak, who worries desperately about what other people think. yes, i am a people-pleaser. no, i don't want anyone to hate me or think bad thoughts. now i am dealing with situations that i can't control that involve people saying untrue things. i'm being double-whammied!

is this the worst thing in the world? heck no. is it wearing me out? heck yes. for the first time in my teaching career, i am not wanting to go to work. i want out of the fray.

leo said i need to decide whether i am going to lower myself and join the fray, or rise above it. this post is not meant to imply that i am joining it. i just don't know how to fight the invisible enemy. perhaps there is no fighting it at all...

*heavy sigh*

schoolteacher blues

i really wanted to write an honest, raw, emotional entry about my job, but lest i be "dooced", i've decided against it. this blogging universe is actually pretty small...and i would hate for the 'powers that be' to stumble upon my writing and misinterpret what i'm saying. so, i'm going to edit my feelings somewhat as i mope through this post...

i love teaching. i really do. it's what i was born to do. but lately, there's been a TON of extra baggage attached to my job. and it's weighing me down.

in the past few weeks, i have witnessed so many disheartening things...and i'm not just talking about situations with my students. (gosh darn it, there are some situations i wish i could talk about on here.)

today, i had to have a girl removed from my room. i NEVER do that. she was so incredibly disrespectful and nasty and obtrusive ~ most of my first period kids are. this is the battle i fight every day. most of the time i win ~ i can calmly and lovingly talk them down from the mania that drives them to swear and throw things and boast of the misdeeds they delight in doing. i listen calmly as they tell me of their run-ins with the law, their need for tobacco before school, and the injuries they have sustained from shooting bb guns at each other or burning their fingers on roach clips. they trust me, and most of the time, they behave for me the best that they know how. it's just that this battle is starting to wear on me. with these kids, there seems to be so little return on my investment...

they don't change.

oh, and the academic requirements inflicted upon these same students by No Child Left Behind (NCLB) only exacerbates the problem. (BIG sigh...)

anyone out there know any government officials who would be willing to shadow me for a week and get a taste of what is REALLY happening in the lives of children raised in appalachian poverty? i mean, do they KNOW who and what these kids are living with? do they even have a clue about what we are up against?

more importantly, do they even care...