my least favorite holiday

...has always been new year's eve. blech.

it probably all began when i was around 10 years old, and our parents took us to mcdonald's (which was a HUGE treat) for new year's eve. i ate my last big mac that night ~ seriously, i've never eaten one since ~ because a few hours after we got home, all five of us came down with a monster stomach virus. it was horrible. and we only had one bathroom. i vividly remember yellow tupperware bucket-type things that we were instructed to throw up in. we were all lying on the living room floor with blankets and pillows...barfing our guts out.

new year's eve as a teenager wasn't much of an improvement. while everyone else had something cool to do on that night, julie and i were at home. no dates. no cute guy to kiss at midnight. instead, we passed the time listening to casey kasem count down the top 100 hits of the year. we'd put a blank cassette in the tape recorder/stereo, then pray that casey would not talk through the intro to songs that we wanted to record.

when leo and i were dating, and then for the first few years of our marriage, we always had plans for new year's eve. i came to realize pretty quickly that i hadn't been missing much all those years by not going to any parties. when kate was born, we decided that the risk of being out on the roads on new year's eve wasn't really worth it. so now, we spend december 31 at home with the kids. which is totally fine with both of us.

i don't really get into all of the end-of-the-year media stuff ~ you know, the top ten of everything under the sun: "top ten most shocking tv moments, top ten movie flops, top ten celebrity melt-downs." big deal. i also don't get nostalgic on december 31, nor do i sit down and take stock of my life. i analyze myself enough every day (honestly), so i don't feel the need to do it solely on january 1.

i do feel a little gloomy that christmas is over. it's the anticipation of christmas that makes it so wonderful, wouldn't you agree?

in general, the anticipation of almost anything is better than the actual event. anticipation is exciting...anticipation is pure, because anything can happen...with anticipation, the possibilities are endless and there is always a chance for a happy ending.

so instead of looking back at 2007...

i eagerly anticipate 2008.

happy new year!!!

rollin', rollin', rollin'

for the past 35 years, we (mom, dad, julie, jill, and i) have made cinnamon rolls at christmas to give to friends, neighbors, and family. the tradition began when my parents, who were a little short on holiday cash in 1972, decided to bake gifts for people. what began as a project of 7-8 pans of rolls has now evolved into a list of 135.

it's interesting to look back at the people who have been on "the list" (or "honor roll", as a friend puts it) over the years...a few have been receiving rolls since the beginning. for many of the families we deliver to, our rolls have become a part of their Christmas tradition: smith cinnamon rolls for breakfast.

now, our own children have become a part of the process, either helping to make dough, or delivering the rolls to neighbors. it's just a small thing, you know. but i think it makes Christmas a little brighter for everyone involved.

a couple of notes about the photos in the slide show...

julie is priceless in her poses, as you will see. we staged the corny picture of kendra receiving rolls with one hand and shaking hands with my dad. lastly, dad is posing with an "icing brush" which he has officially retired and jokingly said he wants to mount above the oven.

enjoy. and merry christmas!

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the other side

for those of you who checked out heather's entry at the dooce...you may be interested in reading her husband jon's blog on living with a wife who has a mental illness. good stuff. you gotta love them both for their honesty and vulnerability.

please, please, please visit the dooce

even if you get tired of hearing me tell my story, you still MUST read this blog entry by heather armstrong over at the dooce. so many of you have shared your own experiences with depression, anxiety, ocd, addiction, and other mental illnesses with me. if you're still afraid of seeking help, or afraid of what others will think of you ~ you may find just the encouragement you need after reading heather's story.

on a lighter note, i loved this part of heather's entry...

I was recently at lunch with a few friends, one who had just been diagnosed with OCD that manifests itself in a need to straighten up everything around her, and I was all really? That's considered OCD? Because I thought that was just considered BEING ALIVE. And because she hasn't ever read this website she asked if I had ever been treated for a diagnosis abbreviated with capital letters. I looked across the table at my other friend, someone who is very familiar with what I have written here, and she almost gagged on an ice cube. I nodded and then explained that I'm in ongoing therapy for what's called C-R-A-Z-Y.

after reading that, i think perhaps i need to change my own blog label/tag from "depression" to "C-R-A-Z-Y".

'cause if we're all honest, we're all a little C-R-A-Z-Y at times, don't you think?

santa's helpers

i think they're a little bit naughty and a little bit nice. actually, that's not a bad combination.

chlamydia ain't no fun

nah, i don't have an STD...but hopefully i've just made you giggle, or at least you want to read the rest of this entry to find out what the heck i'm talking about...

my blog post title is actually the title of a report two junior high boys did on chlamydia. they asked me to proofread it, and then i typed it for them. i learned that "you may think that chlamydia is the name of a really hot chick that lives down the street. but it's not! it's a disease that ruins lives!!!" (quoting the boys, there) heehee...not that i think STDs are funny, but oh my gosh, you should've read their rather humorous take on the whole thing. i can't wait to see the power point presentation they've put together for this. :)

you've heard of how a person's computer can be confiscated and their hard-drive ransacked for evidence of misbehavior? well, God help whoever investigates me, 'cause i've learned more about syphilis, gonorrhea, trichomonas, and genital warts and herpes in the past week than i've ever wanted and my hard drive is full of it. articles, statistics, advice, even pictures. yep, it's all there.

my kids are doing STD reports in health, and they are REQUIRED to download and print "school appropriate" pictures of the symptoms of these STDs for posters and power point slide shows. do you know how hard it is to google "syphilis" and not get icky, red, pus-infected pics of HOO-HA'S??? good grief. talk about nasty.

the funny thing (or maybe not, if you're being a prude), is how my kids have asked me for their info...

"mrs. gillen, i have gonorrhea and need to know if a condom will prevent it."

you get the idea. and yes, before anyone posts to complain...i know that there are kids this age who are sexually active. (i've had students with babies before.) but these kids who have asked me for help have been so literally grossed out by what they're researching, it gives me hope that they will remain celibate. at least for a little while.

after all, chlamydia ain't no fun.

snow day

sledding at aunt vickie's and uncle jake's. what could be better?

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you tube copyright law...

...is a total bummer. no bob ross. no more clips from george c. scott's "a christmas carol." and i'm sure that saturday night live clip below will be yanked soon.

bah. humbug.

best parody of a christmas movie, ever

if you or someone you know...

...has read my blog entries on depression, please note: i have found some excellent new articles regarding the disease and have posted them in the sidebar (list of depression articles and resources.) one piece in particular, is an excellent source of information for men.

i was also reading today about joe pantoliano's depression organization, "no kidding, me too." joe was one of the stars of "the sopranos". his group's mission statement includes the following:

Our goal is to educate the public about the wonderful possibilities that exist when we break down the societal barriers which hold us all back because we treat those afflicted with mental illness differently – we label them and isolate them. What we passionately want to accomplish is to relieve the weight of millions of people who suffer this isolation.

There is an oft-quoted statistic that for every person who is diagnosed with mental illness, eleven loved ones are affected. The immediate short-term result is that the mentally ill person becomes isolated from the outside world because they are deemed unable to “handle” it. And isolation breeds isolation which creates the stigma and discrimination we need to eliminate. The brain is an organ – just like the heart, liver and kidneys – and we need to encourage everyone to treat it as such from both a medical and social perspective.

way to go, joe.