perfectionistic: first off, i had to delete that stupid "muskrat love" blog entry. i hated the entry as much as i hated the song.
list-maker: i'm about three hours in to my summer vacation and i've already made a list of 32 things that need to be done around here. i use the word "need" loosely, of course. the list includes a little bit of everything ~ from staining the back deck to cleaning out closets to checking out books at the library to read for pleasure, because when i'm working i never have time to read for pleasure. (here's a question for you though: if i have to add "read for pleasure" to my "things to do list", am i really doing it for pleasure? hmmm....i think only my therapist could answer that one.) i haven't even included "lay out in the pool" yet and get a tan because tan fat looks better than white fat.
as i stated in an earlier post, having something to look forward to (i.e. staying busy) helps me ward off the dog. the trick is to not stay soooo busy that i miss out on enjoying the ride.
ocd tendencies: dr. k. and i talked about these at my last visit. my list-making and journaling are my ways of combatting both the clinical depression and what appears to be some ocd.
this ocd thing has blatantly manifested itself in the most ridiculous way in the past few months ~ for example, i can't lie in bed and watch tv unless ALL of the dresser drawers are closed...and there can't be any clothes peeking out either. leo and i were in bed watching "the states" on the history channel the other night (we're dorks, but we LOVE that show!) and i was going nuts...a pair of his boxers were sticking out of the drawer, thus distracting me from learning everything i ever wanted to know about wyoming. i got up, calmly went to the dresser, pushed the boxers back in, and climbed back under the covers. leo cracked up, as did i. yep, he's married to a freak. thank goodness he's so patient with me.
dr. k. talked to me about learning to leave the dresser drawers open, metaphorically of course. i have 32 dresser drawers open for the summer already, and many more are bound to crack open and spill their contents into my life, i'm sure. my prayer for the next couple of months is to be content with closing only as many as i can, and realizing that if i don't get to all of them, i'm still a pretty okay person.
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