Big Boo Cast: Episode 380
9 months ago
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
how to annoy me
sign up to bring "ketchup and mustard", or "plates and napkins", or "drinks", to a carry-in luncheon, then expect to eat as much as everyone else.
Friday, May 23, 2008
we pay for not caring about those who are not properly nourished
pbs aired an amazing documentary on depression last night. (my post title is a quote by terrie williams, who is interviewed in the special. for more information, click on the documentary link; pbs has provided video clips and transcripts of the show on its site.)
those of you who know me, truly know me, understand that my personal experiences with and on-going treatment for clinical depression define my "calling". i am not extraordinary. i just tell my story, as i believe god wants me to, and pray that it connects with any other soul that may be suffering. because, none of us should ever have to suffer alone.
to me it's ironic, for a couple of reasons, that the pbs special aired this week. my first episode of depression happened in may 1989, a week before my college graduation. i didn't know what it was. i vividly remember driving home for the weekend, going up to my bedroom, kneeling on the right side of the bed, and literally knocking on the side of my head the way you do when you have water in your ears. my brain felt full. something was wrong. my mind was racing. i couldn't tell a soul, mainly because i had no idea what was happening. and if i couldn't adequately define it, i certainly couldn't get help for it. a few days later, it dissipated and was gone. i chalked it up to the stress of graduation, the uncertainty of my future, and being madly in love for the first time in my life.
after 8 more years of on-again and off-again silent suffering, i got help.
some of you know the story...after weeks of not sleeping or eating, yet not missing work or telling my husband, i paced my house. from one end to the other, stopping every now and then to peer at myself in the mirror, horrified. finally, i looked at my husband and said, "you need to take me to the hospital". he was clueless. i called adena, and told the e.r., "i'm losing it, i'm on my way, and you need to have somebody ready for me." thus began my recovery.
this week, a friend (whom i can't name for fear that the ever-present "depression-stigma" may affect her professionally) confided in me that she was suffering terribly. jane (not her real name) said that she remembered me explaining how i initially got help, and so, after suffering in silence for the past several months, she left work and drove herself straight to a hospital. also like me, she described how she didn't want to intentionally kill herself, but if she had been in a car accident on the way to the e.r, that would've been okay.
her family's responses to her diagnosis have been somewhat typical: "you need to lean more on god," "you're apparently not a good christian," and the good old-fashioned, "what have you got to be said about? shake it off. "
(*sigh*)
andrew solomon, author of the noonday demon, provides some of the most amazing dialogue on depression in the pbs special:
It's a poverty of the English language that we only have that one word, depression, that's used to describe how a little kid feels when it rains on the day of his baseball game, and it's also used to describe why people spend their lives in mental hospitals and end up killing themselves. But clinical depression really has to do with the feeling that you can't do anything, that everything is unbelievably difficult, that life is completely terrifying, and a feeling of this free-floating despair, which is overpowering and horrifying.
interestingly, i learned from the documentary that scientists have identified the positive biological effect that talk therapy produces in the brain. i mean, we all know that there is power in verbalizing our hurts and insecurities and fears with someone we feel safe with it. but there are also real, physiological benefits:
"New evidence shows that the act of talking, like medication, also produces changes in the brain, impacting a group of regions including the frontal area and the hippocampus, which is associated with learning and memory."
so talking is good. don't stay in the dark. no one has to suffer alone.
philip burguries, chairman and ceo of a fortune 100 company and vice-chairman of the houston texans, recounted his initial diagnosis and subsequent stay in a mental hospital by tearfully sharing the story of a woman he met while in treatment:
Safe in a hospital, he met another patient who encouraged him to speak out. She looked me right in the eye. And she said, "Philip, I'm not gonna make it. But you are." And then she said, "I want you to promise me something. When you make it, I want you to promise me that you'll tell your story, because you can help other people." Philip took his story public in Houston before a group of business leaders. This action inspired executives the world over to seek his advice about their own battles with depression.
we have the ability to nourish each other...to sustain one another with love and patience and understanding and education and grace and honesty and vulnerability...and perhaps most importantly, with availability.
jesus said, "go tell your story."
because no one should ever have to suffer alone.
those of you who know me, truly know me, understand that my personal experiences with and on-going treatment for clinical depression define my "calling". i am not extraordinary. i just tell my story, as i believe god wants me to, and pray that it connects with any other soul that may be suffering. because, none of us should ever have to suffer alone.
to me it's ironic, for a couple of reasons, that the pbs special aired this week. my first episode of depression happened in may 1989, a week before my college graduation. i didn't know what it was. i vividly remember driving home for the weekend, going up to my bedroom, kneeling on the right side of the bed, and literally knocking on the side of my head the way you do when you have water in your ears. my brain felt full. something was wrong. my mind was racing. i couldn't tell a soul, mainly because i had no idea what was happening. and if i couldn't adequately define it, i certainly couldn't get help for it. a few days later, it dissipated and was gone. i chalked it up to the stress of graduation, the uncertainty of my future, and being madly in love for the first time in my life.
after 8 more years of on-again and off-again silent suffering, i got help.
some of you know the story...after weeks of not sleeping or eating, yet not missing work or telling my husband, i paced my house. from one end to the other, stopping every now and then to peer at myself in the mirror, horrified. finally, i looked at my husband and said, "you need to take me to the hospital". he was clueless. i called adena, and told the e.r., "i'm losing it, i'm on my way, and you need to have somebody ready for me." thus began my recovery.
this week, a friend (whom i can't name for fear that the ever-present "depression-stigma" may affect her professionally) confided in me that she was suffering terribly. jane (not her real name) said that she remembered me explaining how i initially got help, and so, after suffering in silence for the past several months, she left work and drove herself straight to a hospital. also like me, she described how she didn't want to intentionally kill herself, but if she had been in a car accident on the way to the e.r, that would've been okay.
her family's responses to her diagnosis have been somewhat typical: "you need to lean more on god," "you're apparently not a good christian," and the good old-fashioned, "what have you got to be said about? shake it off. "
(*sigh*)
andrew solomon, author of the noonday demon, provides some of the most amazing dialogue on depression in the pbs special:
It's a poverty of the English language that we only have that one word, depression, that's used to describe how a little kid feels when it rains on the day of his baseball game, and it's also used to describe why people spend their lives in mental hospitals and end up killing themselves. But clinical depression really has to do with the feeling that you can't do anything, that everything is unbelievably difficult, that life is completely terrifying, and a feeling of this free-floating despair, which is overpowering and horrifying.
interestingly, i learned from the documentary that scientists have identified the positive biological effect that talk therapy produces in the brain. i mean, we all know that there is power in verbalizing our hurts and insecurities and fears with someone we feel safe with it. but there are also real, physiological benefits:
"New evidence shows that the act of talking, like medication, also produces changes in the brain, impacting a group of regions including the frontal area and the hippocampus, which is associated with learning and memory."
so talking is good. don't stay in the dark. no one has to suffer alone.
philip burguries, chairman and ceo of a fortune 100 company and vice-chairman of the houston texans, recounted his initial diagnosis and subsequent stay in a mental hospital by tearfully sharing the story of a woman he met while in treatment:
Safe in a hospital, he met another patient who encouraged him to speak out. She looked me right in the eye. And she said, "Philip, I'm not gonna make it. But you are." And then she said, "I want you to promise me something. When you make it, I want you to promise me that you'll tell your story, because you can help other people." Philip took his story public in Houston before a group of business leaders. This action inspired executives the world over to seek his advice about their own battles with depression.
we have the ability to nourish each other...to sustain one another with love and patience and understanding and education and grace and honesty and vulnerability...and perhaps most importantly, with availability.
jesus said, "go tell your story."
because no one should ever have to suffer alone.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
his hand
this hand belongs to a young man whose father is currently serving a life sentence for manslaughter.
this hand belongs to a young man who overdosed on darvocet a few weeks ago before coming into my class.
this hand belongs to a young man who "tattoos" himself with an ink pen daily, writing "thug" or "bad ass" or "motherfucker" on his arms.
this hand belongs to a young man who, when told that i was going to our school's art show to take pictures of his work, responded, "would you really do that?"
yes, i would do that.
while walking him down the hall the other day, i reminded him of how much i love him, and how i would miss him this summer. as i patted him on the back, shooed him into his next class, and turned to make my way back to my room, i breathed out loud:
"i don't know how to save him."
someone, i won't say who, responded to me in very serious tones,
"that's not your job."
this hand belongs to a young man who i am almost certain will wind up in prison, or worse yet, die, within the next five years.
and here i helplessly stand, watching him self-destruct, and there's not a damn thing i can do to stop it.
but then again, that's not my job...
anne lamott on the colbert report
i'm not a HUGE fan of stephen colbert, but i DO love this interview with anne lamott. colbert asks the right questions, and is the perfect mix of sassy and smart. anne, of course, is perfect.
Monday, May 12, 2008
*represent
(*click here for the definition of represent, 'cause you needs to know what that shizzle means)
teaching is a give-and-take occupation. hopefully, i give more than i take. and more importantly, i hope that what i give holds some life-long value for my students.
sometimes, however, what i take from my kids is just plain silliness. for example, i've learned that i need to keep my "pimp hand strong", which according to the urban dictionary means that i "keep control of my ho's" or "maintain control of my pimpin' business." uh....yeah.
last year, as you may remember, i learned how to pimpify my name. click here for a refresher.
four years ago, my students philip and aaron shared "schfifty five" with me. pure stupidity. but my goodness, it's wonderful for a ridiculous, brainless laugh every now and then.
so anyways, last week during dismissal, my kids asked if i had seen any of the "scary movie" or "saw" franchises:
"uhm, no. absolutely not. are you kidding?"
"oh my gosh, mrs. gillen, you don't know what you're missing!"
then they promptly showed me this clip on youtube, and i proceeded to laugh my head off. it's a parody of tom cruise flipping out on oprah a few years ago, and of course it's utterly absurd, but that's the point.
watch it all the way through, and let me know if you at least chuckle a little bit. and if it makes you giggle, i'll pass on your thanks to my kids...cause if you're like me, you appreciate a good laugh whenever you can get one.
teaching is a give-and-take occupation. hopefully, i give more than i take. and more importantly, i hope that what i give holds some life-long value for my students.
sometimes, however, what i take from my kids is just plain silliness. for example, i've learned that i need to keep my "pimp hand strong", which according to the urban dictionary means that i "keep control of my ho's" or "maintain control of my pimpin' business." uh....yeah.
last year, as you may remember, i learned how to pimpify my name. click here for a refresher.
four years ago, my students philip and aaron shared "schfifty five" with me. pure stupidity. but my goodness, it's wonderful for a ridiculous, brainless laugh every now and then.
so anyways, last week during dismissal, my kids asked if i had seen any of the "scary movie" or "saw" franchises:
"uhm, no. absolutely not. are you kidding?"
"oh my gosh, mrs. gillen, you don't know what you're missing!"
then they promptly showed me this clip on youtube, and i proceeded to laugh my head off. it's a parody of tom cruise flipping out on oprah a few years ago, and of course it's utterly absurd, but that's the point.
watch it all the way through, and let me know if you at least chuckle a little bit. and if it makes you giggle, i'll pass on your thanks to my kids...cause if you're like me, you appreciate a good laugh whenever you can get one.
Monday, May 5, 2008
speaking of a's and z's
here is the beautiful azalea that grows beside our garage. we've had it for over 5 years, and it has never grown taller (it stands approximately 18 inches high). it does, however, produce the most brilliant magenta flowers.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
from a to z
a- is for the apple pie i was craving last night at 8:30, which prompted a 16 mile round trip to buy one (an apple pie, that is) and a gallon of bryer's extra smooth vanilla ice cream. yum.
b- is for blogging, which i'm finding difficult to do lately. it's a time thing...there's simply not enough of it...
c- is for the columbus dispatch crossword puzzle which i will be doing when i finish this blog.
d- is for the darvocet (4 darvocet, to be exact) that one of my students ingested before coming to school last monday. i didn't ask him IF he took anything, i asked him bluntly WHAT he took, and he told me the truth. he wound up in a hospital later heaving up charcoal (used to induce vomiting) and the darvocet.
e- is the for the eighth grade promotion dance that i will be chaperoning this friday. "e" is also for the electric slide which i WILL do at said dance, much to the chagrin of my 8th grade niece, taylor. :) heehee...
f- is for fast-pitch softball, which kate is playing. she's learning how to pitch...and we're gonna need ALOT Of practice. :)
g- is for "grey's anatomy". it's back. 'nuf said.
h- is for happy bunny. while some of his stuff is too edgy and sassy, his other sayings crack me up.
i- is for ian, who knows he's a charming looker, and uses that to his advantage.
j- is for "juno", which i watched over the weekend. great, quirky script.
k- is for kate, my bonny red-head, and also my date for the 8th grade dance.
l- is for "lars and the real girl", which is next on my dvd rental wish list.
m- is for mowing the lawn, one of my favorite things to do in the whole world...but man, with the price of gas, it's going to be an expensive pleasure! (phyllis, i haven't forgotten about you, by the way ~ i will mow this week, i promise!)
n- is for new balance tennis shoes. when leo saw my comfy orange and white "dogs" a few weeks ago, and noticed the "N" on the side, he asked me: "since when do you wear ZIPS? i didn't even know they still made those!" uh, turn the "Z"over there babe...it's an "N".
o- is for the ohio achievement tests, which my students are taking (two weeks late) starting tomorrow. it's a long story, so here's the short version: the ODE screwed up. royally. click here to read the long version.
p- is for my favorite perfume which i just ran out of...dolly girl by anna sui. julie got me hooked on it. (i gots to get me to a victoria's secret, asap!)
q- is for the quintessential stupidity of NCLB (no child left behind), which is ridiculously obvious during OAT week. my students are mandated by law to have an IEP, an INDIVIDUALIZED education plan. the law says, you have to provide special services for these kids who have learning disabilities...these kids who are DIFFERENT. but THEN the government says you have to test them all the same way ~"one size fits all". can you spell C-O-N-T-R-A-D-I-C-T-I-O-N? governor strickland, if you're reading this, i officially invite you to have a cup of coffee with me sometime...we need to talk.
r- is for the reds (cincinnati, you know, baseball) who are in a terrible skid right now. :( time to go buy some talent, boys.
s- is for snoopy, who is all over my classroom...comic strips of snoopy, greeting cards with snoopy, my snoopy mouse pad, snoopy computer wallpaper, snoopy posters, snoopy name plate outside my door. snoopy is sly, smart, and sarcastically lovable.
t- is for teacher appreciation week, which is may 5 - 9. my favorite teachers in school were mr. robert "gene" lewis (7th and 8th grade science), mrs. zoa craumer (algebra I, II, and trig), and mr. richard craumer (chemistry and physics). maybe i'll be on someone's list of favorites someday...
u- is for underwear. i need new underwear. i'll buy it when i pick up more perfume at victoria's secret. (see "p" above)
v- is for my new vera bradley purse. :) yay! raspberry fizz pattern. libby style. right on!
w- is for the whippoorwill ian correctly identified calling in our woods last week
x- is for xm radio. how did i ever drive a car without it? my kids are now able to identify some great 80s songs. their current favorite: "should i stay or should i go?", by the clash.
y- is for yerramilli. smita yerramilli, a former student who sent me a graduation announcement this past friday. i have several sweeties graduating in a few weeks whom i will miss terribly. you can see the lovely smita by clicking here.
z- is for the unexpected zzzzz's i took this weekend. i napped. what's up with that?
b- is for blogging, which i'm finding difficult to do lately. it's a time thing...there's simply not enough of it...
c- is for the columbus dispatch crossword puzzle which i will be doing when i finish this blog.
d- is for the darvocet (4 darvocet, to be exact) that one of my students ingested before coming to school last monday. i didn't ask him IF he took anything, i asked him bluntly WHAT he took, and he told me the truth. he wound up in a hospital later heaving up charcoal (used to induce vomiting) and the darvocet.
e- is the for the eighth grade promotion dance that i will be chaperoning this friday. "e" is also for the electric slide which i WILL do at said dance, much to the chagrin of my 8th grade niece, taylor. :) heehee...
f- is for fast-pitch softball, which kate is playing. she's learning how to pitch...and we're gonna need ALOT Of practice. :)
g- is for "grey's anatomy". it's back. 'nuf said.
h- is for happy bunny. while some of his stuff is too edgy and sassy, his other sayings crack me up.
i- is for ian, who knows he's a charming looker, and uses that to his advantage.
j- is for "juno", which i watched over the weekend. great, quirky script.
k- is for kate, my bonny red-head, and also my date for the 8th grade dance.
l- is for "lars and the real girl", which is next on my dvd rental wish list.
m- is for mowing the lawn, one of my favorite things to do in the whole world...but man, with the price of gas, it's going to be an expensive pleasure! (phyllis, i haven't forgotten about you, by the way ~ i will mow this week, i promise!)
n- is for new balance tennis shoes. when leo saw my comfy orange and white "dogs" a few weeks ago, and noticed the "N" on the side, he asked me: "since when do you wear ZIPS? i didn't even know they still made those!" uh, turn the "Z"over there babe...it's an "N".
o- is for the ohio achievement tests, which my students are taking (two weeks late) starting tomorrow. it's a long story, so here's the short version: the ODE screwed up. royally. click here to read the long version.
p- is for my favorite perfume which i just ran out of...dolly girl by anna sui. julie got me hooked on it. (i gots to get me to a victoria's secret, asap!)
q- is for the quintessential stupidity of NCLB (no child left behind), which is ridiculously obvious during OAT week. my students are mandated by law to have an IEP, an INDIVIDUALIZED education plan. the law says, you have to provide special services for these kids who have learning disabilities...these kids who are DIFFERENT. but THEN the government says you have to test them all the same way ~"one size fits all". can you spell C-O-N-T-R-A-D-I-C-T-I-O-N? governor strickland, if you're reading this, i officially invite you to have a cup of coffee with me sometime...we need to talk.
r- is for the reds (cincinnati, you know, baseball) who are in a terrible skid right now. :( time to go buy some talent, boys.
s- is for snoopy, who is all over my classroom...comic strips of snoopy, greeting cards with snoopy, my snoopy mouse pad, snoopy computer wallpaper, snoopy posters, snoopy name plate outside my door. snoopy is sly, smart, and sarcastically lovable.
t- is for teacher appreciation week, which is may 5 - 9. my favorite teachers in school were mr. robert "gene" lewis (7th and 8th grade science), mrs. zoa craumer (algebra I, II, and trig), and mr. richard craumer (chemistry and physics). maybe i'll be on someone's list of favorites someday...
u- is for underwear. i need new underwear. i'll buy it when i pick up more perfume at victoria's secret. (see "p" above)
v- is for my new vera bradley purse. :) yay! raspberry fizz pattern. libby style. right on!
w- is for the whippoorwill ian correctly identified calling in our woods last week
x- is for xm radio. how did i ever drive a car without it? my kids are now able to identify some great 80s songs. their current favorite: "should i stay or should i go?", by the clash.
y- is for yerramilli. smita yerramilli, a former student who sent me a graduation announcement this past friday. i have several sweeties graduating in a few weeks whom i will miss terribly. you can see the lovely smita by clicking here.
z- is for the unexpected zzzzz's i took this weekend. i napped. what's up with that?
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