arghhhh!!!!

i'm feeling really frustrated.

while i had initially hoped that this blog would provide an honest outlet for my emotions, i am not successfully achieving that objective.

i am not allowing myself to be genuine with, specifically, my anger and frustration, because my blog is being read by others. and let's face it, people do talk and make judgements.

i mentioned last week that i feel bad about letting others down. but to be rather blunt, i am feeling let down by others and i don't really know what to do about it. it's not just work, or at home...it's everywhere.

leo says that i bring most of this on myself. i need to either learn to say "no" or check my motives for saying "yes". he's absolutely right. my anger and frustration stem from this very principle.

i'm tired.

i'm tired of going the extra mile, for what seems like everyone else, without even an acknowledgment of thanks. especially at work.

i'm tired of feeling unappreciated.

i'm tired of being counted on automatically, to do a little bit of everything.

i'm tired of not being heard.

i'm tired of being at everyone else's convenience.

i'm tired of being an after-thought.

i'm feeling dried up, used up, and taken for granted.

i'm tired of other adults talking to me in tones that i would never dream of taking with them.

in short, i'm pissed.

and i'm not apologizing for saying that i'm pissed, either. think less about me if you want to. at this moment, i don't really care. i've spent my whole life apologizing for everything, and lately, that habit's been creeping back in. i can't go back to that. i can't go back to making apologies. it's too exhausting. and i'm already exhausted.

i need refilled.