quotes from the counter-culture

well, from jim morrison, specifically.

oddly enough, i agree with jim on a few things...

*People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

*The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you.

*I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.

i've been singing this song all day

another saturday night

okay, some cows drifted into our neighborhood yesterday. well, maybe they didn't drift. they were actually seen sauntering up route 220. we don't know where they came from.

someone called the sheriff.

then someone called gary boggs...the pied piper of cows. he led them safely to his farm property behind our subdivision.

the cows had spent the majority of the afternoon in our neighbor kathryn's yard. she's excited about drying out all the cow patties and using them as fertilizer for her flowers and garden. :) really, she is.


jeff and shellie, on the other hand, have some holes to fill.

a ridiculously good time

actual dialogue between the photographer hired for the 8th grade dance and my dear friend/co-worker suzanne and i:

"we don't get out much." (us)

"yes, i can tell." (astonished photographer)

suzanne and i were chaperones at the 8th grade promotion dance last night, but truth be told, we probably had more fun than the kids. this was our big night out...no children, no husbands to worry about entertaining. just us, dressed like cowgirls in our boots and bandanas and badges, hopping on saddles for photo ops, and laughing hysterically with the students. we led them in then electric slide...we "jumped on it"...and, when to our surprise the d.j. played run d.m.c.'s "it's tricky", we even came up with some gangsta' moves that resulted in 40 kids or so joining us on the stage steps for an impromptu performance.

by night's end, suzanne and i couldn't decide if our behavior was the result of leading incredibly predictable and boring lives, or if we simply love our jobs and these kids so much that we went a little crazy. it was probably the result of both. either way, hanging with these kids (who said we "totally rocked") was an ideal way to spend two carefree hours indulging in unadulterated frivolity.

even jehovah would find this funny

once upon a time, steve used this clip from "monty python's life of brian" in one of his messages. (i was thinking this morning how it would apply to his current series.)

at any rate, the first time we showed this video at rvcc, julie said to me: "this clip is supposed to be funny. make sure you laugh loudly so that everyone knows it's okay [to laugh]." as it turned out, she didn't need to ask me to enjoy it; monty python took care of that. even now, it still makes me giggle.

catharsis required (Rated PG-13)

my first thought as to how to start this blog entry was: damn it all to hell.

my second thought about this blog entry was: you can't be honest here. you'll just sound whiny.

and now my final thought is: damn it all to hell, i'm writing anyways.

i admit it. i'm on a slippery slope. i'm so tired. i'm so very tired. i need to stay busy, and yet i need to rest. if i don't stay busy ~ stay engaged ~ then i will disengage. and i can't disengage for fear that it will lead to me not being able to get out of bed.

i admit it. i've been stretched too thin. partly by my own doing, and partly by what i feel is expected of me from others. still, i look around at other women who do more than i do, and THEY aren't coming apart at the seams. why am i so damn weak?

i admit it. the dog is peaking his head around the corner at me while i type this. and yet, when or if you see me out and about, you won't realize that he is on my heels.

i admit it. i feel that i have no right to ask God for help with this. i suck at being a christian. i don't pray like i should, i don't put my heart into worship like i should, and i don't spend enough time with Him. steve spoke about our Father, Abba, this weekend, but steve...i still don't feel worthy.

i admit it. i feel like leo just doesn't get it sometimes. but how could he? he hasn't been to the moon...

years ago, leo and i were hooked on the tv show "thirtysomething". there was an episode when one of the characters, nancy, was dealing with her ovarian cancer diagnosis, and her friends were trying to understand all that she was feeling. and nancy explained, "it's like i've been to the moon. i can describe it for you, how beautiful and dark and different it is, but you'll never fully comprehend. you haven't been to the moon."

i admit. today is one of those days when i wish i had never been to the moon.

quoting "you've got mail"...

...because i'm feeling incredibly small and insignificant and almost defeated in my work.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.